What a mighty state of desolation seizes our minds after the experience of suicide. The question that seems to haunt most survivors is who and what was at fault? Along with other inquiries that begin "why", "how", and "what if'." All very difficult questions and in most cases there are no answers. In some cases, when we think we have discovered an answer, it often leads to more confusing questions. In my reading on suicide, I have yet to read where a single survivor states they are satisfied and found answers.
Why is it so important for us to pinpoint fault? Please note that I am only expressing my point of view and experience here. For me, the importance of pinpointing fault was that I needed some type of closure. I needed to know why my wife took her life leaving my children and me behind? Why she made this unilateral decision which felt like a door was slammed in my face?
So I took all blame upon myself. I told myself "I was the closest to her". "I was the one at home when she took her life", "I was the last one to see her alive", "I was her best friend, husband, soulmate". I told myself so many other things until I could no longer stand on my own two feet. I could not eat, sleep, concentrate, focus, or get out of bed.
Then after an extended period, I realized something. I was falling into a well of depression. Was I headed in the same direction my wife had gone? I realized my children needed me and I them. Still seeking answers, I began researching the subject of suicide both online and through books from the library. Upon doing so, I made an amazing discovery! THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT!
I discovered that suicide is an illness of the mind. Our loved ones did not decide to take this illness upon themselves any more than a person would choose to take on a massive heart attack, stroke, or terminal cancer. But suicide is just as deadly/terminal as any of the other diseases mentioned above. Is it our loved ones fault for acquiring this psychological disease? Is it yours? Is it mine? No! Then whose is it? How does one catch cancer? Can one catch a heart attack? No, it's beyond their or anyone else's control. The sickness of suicide is no different.