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Stephanie Goodpaster

My heart goes out to you. I recently just lost my husband to suicide, and at times it still feels like I am having an out of body experience. I also understand how you feel when you say you feel the more you pick someone apart the more tainted the relationship feels, because I feel the same way. I also think how were we to know? The mind is complex. The person I loved and laughed with was whom I fell in love with, but this other side that I didn't know is terrifying to me. It's like a veil came down over his eyes, reasoning, and he wasn't the sweet man I married. I am so so sorry, and I wish there were more to say but I know there isn't. Joining a grief group, and therapy has helped a lot. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed and think I won't stop crying...but I try to find one reason to smile. Our son is one of the biggest reasons. You're not alone in this.


What a heartbreaking loss. I disagree with you that these details diminish Sean. The more you reveal about him and his life, the more amazing he is shown to be. As the wife of a combat vet, I agree with you that Sean probably did have PTSD. It is a difficult and baffling condition and I have no doubt that it contributed to Sean's death. PTSD is a wound to the spirit. The circumstances you describe; reaching the cutoff age for a SEAL, moving to different surroundings and PTSD were the perfect storm and unfortuately, Sean did not survive. I am so sorry for your loss. The world lost a wonderful person and we are all the poorer for it.

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