Today, Christmas Day, I feel I want to share a bit about how my life is going now. To provide a bit of light and hope if possible...because right now, I am happy. And it's not a fleeting feeling - it's a deep joy, based on a part of me that's been growing stronger during the past year.
There's a strong sense of a self I can trust, that gives me the freedom to live my life the way I want to, without constraints imposed by my own psyche, my own demons. It's a self that knows it's worth something, and that also has a lot of vital energy. This self wants to experience the world, to sing and laugh, dance and learn new things, run, study, play and learn. There's a sense of barely contained energy and joy.
It feels incredible to be able to say all this. I wouldn't have believed it possible when I first stumbled onto these forums. But it is. And it's thanks to all the grief work I've been able to do, and I could only have done that because of the support of the people I love, and of the Alliance of Hope as well.
I am burning a candle for my dad today, and listening to a specific CD of Christmas music which will always remind me of him. I can feel his presence, not very close, just there. I miss him, I will always miss him... it makes me sad he's not here on this earth... but I know and feel now that life can be good, and I can be deeply happy, despite everything that happened. It's the best Christmas gift I could wish for, and I'm so grateful.
This post originally appeared on the Alliance of Hope Forum and was reprinted with the permission of the author.