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01/09/2017

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Linda Owen

Just know that you and your children are loved and we are all in this together.

Pam Hoffmann

What a lovely thing to read! I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. This Christmas was the first in which I finally had no hope that my son would come back to us. He has not been with us for any holiday since 2008. But each year I kept hoping that he would find a way.
My son died by suicide in May of 2016.
We are not a balloon-releasing or vigil-sitting kind of family. We are grieving together by being together and sharing when we need to do it. So when I lit a candle that had been in my son's apartment, I told his brother that it was just a way to know that Ian was with us whether we feel it or not. We all felt it.
I'm not fond of socializing, but I can do it if necessary. I can make nice like nobody's business, but on Christmas this year, I wanted only my family and no one else. We celebrated each other and what is, and we shared missing Ian and what was.
Everything I do is a door, and it's hard, really hard. Every door is hard, but it starts with one step, and it's one that I find I must make in order to see what's coming next. It does NOT mean that I leave anything behind, but that I carry with me the love for my son when I pass through it. Forever.

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