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D Alofivae

Hi Heidi thank you I am brought to tears reading your message. You are absolutely right it is a gift despite the deep grief and hurt. It has taken me 6 years to come to a point of understanding and I continue to everyday.My baby brother made that fateful decision 6 years ago that changed our lives as a family forever. It is real every day even though time passes, and tears never fail to fall every time, with that ache in my heart as i remember. But you are right time is the great healer- 'and Joy comes in the morning' as the Bible says. A year after he passed I took a trip with some of my beautiful family and I made a declaration that I 'choose life'- to live the best life that I can even more so for him and embrace the beauty that the world offers even more so because of him. But part of the gift for me is meeting others who are going through the same thing or even just going through hardships in life, often just total strangers and being able to see that very clearly because of what I've been through and to sharing a moment of realness with them. if anything to encourage them and let them know the moment will pass and all will be well again. just to keep on keeping on because it's truly going to be ok and most of all that they are not alone! it's amazing how a moment of kindness and realness can save a life. I love the quote from the velveteen rabbit. Thank you for sharing.God bless xx


This helped. Thank you, I am real living in an unreal world.

Cecilia Bradley

Wow Heidi, that just hit me in the gut, and heart. What you related above of our suicide loss journey is as real as it gets. Thank you for pointing out the gift that it is and that we received it from none other than our beloved one, for me that would be our son Ryan whom we lost just 5 months ago on May 8th. Our Ry was just 25 years old and had battled the ravages of Schizophrenia, mixed with high-anxiety and depression, for 8+ years. I knew the high-risk group he was in with severe mental illness but at his last attempt over 3 years ago he told me he would not attempt again. I do not cast any blame or animosity toward him at all, I am just so so very sad that the rabbit hole of deep-rooted depression lied to him once again, tightened its grip even tighter on him, never to let him go; and so, it got the best of our sweet boy and he could not climb out as he had several previous times. In terms of the Realness of this horrific grief, I am not mentally or emotionally ready to accept, comprehend, or adapt to facing the rest of my days on this earth without my boy, but your post above does give me yet another perspective that allows a smidgen of a baby step forward. I absolutely love the Velveteen Rabbit explanation of the REALNESS we now face. I completely related to this lovely book, as well as The Beattrix Potter books/stories, that I read numerous times to my 3 kiddos when they were little. Our hearts are forever shattered and if I ever gather my wits and strength to collect the pieces, a huge hole would remain for my Ryan took that with him to Heaven.
Thank you, and God Bless you!

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