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My father committed suicide 30 years ago. I did not understand the pain he was in until I became clinically depressed 20 years after his death. That gave me clarity. I finally understood the darkness my father felt and the lack of hope that he could climb out of that hole. Everyday feels like torture. I was lucky to have a caring husband, brother, sister in law and close friend. They were there for me in my darkest days. They pushed me to get professional help which I did. My brother, the scientist, told me this depression wasn’t my fault and I had a chemical imbalance. Through medication and an excellent therapist who reassured me the first time I met with her that I would be better in a few months, I recovered. My husband shared with me once I was better that he would go into the closet and cry. He sometimes felt inadequate and hopeless that he could help me.
Suicide is not a selfish act. It is a desperate act. I’m sorry for everyone’s pain as survivors. I too am a survivor.

Carmen Johnston

Thank you for sharing this. It hasn't even been 3 weeks yet since my husband completed. I know my emotions are still raw and all over the place but right now this posting is what I needed. Thank you again for sharing with us.

Louise Monaghan

Yes , I agree........but in other ways I dont...has the worst happened?

For me the worst is watching my 21 year old son who was 16 yrs of age at the time my husband took his life, now going through a very tuff time himself, sever anxiety, depression all due to the shock, and traumatic events of the night that he and i found Eddie hanging and him helping me to cut him down and revive him....its like reliving the pain all again to watch him go through what he is..... to a point of being hospitalised and sedated because his anxiety is so overwhelming that he can not cope. To be so scared for my son the when he says mum I just want them to knock me out I dont want to feel like this......will he too take his life one day due to his inability to cope.

Suicide...the damage that continues years later 5 years later infact, both my boys suffer anxiety due to this selfish act that Eddie took upon himself....the longer it is the more I hate him for what he did.....its never ending not a day goes by that we are not reminded of what he did......and how it effects my children and me....has the worst really happened????? It better have.


This message is for kristy-
you are Not alone in your grief. My husband shot himself in the head in front of me during an argument this October. It was the most horrific experience of my life. We've been traumatized by this eventmore then anyone can fathom.
The guilt, pain, sorrow and loneliness consume me. I am in counseling and clinging to God to walk me through this. God will prevail.
Its the worst hurt in the world but reading story after story, it does get better. My hope resides in getting better and I know we will get better!

Mary Murphy

The one thing that has helped me survive each out-of-body, terrifying moment following my husband's violent suicide is this prayer - Catholic or not:

Hail Mary
Full of Grace
The Lord is with you
Blessed are you among women
And blessed is the fruit of
Thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the
Hour of our death


This was amazing to read. Its been almost a year since I lost my dad and im still struggling some days. So days are good. While others are bad. It will have been a year next month, and i still get overcome with grief at time


Thank you so much for this. It hit home, in a good way. Thank you.


Could have helped maybe if I didn't have to watch. I have found all kinds if survivors but not a single one that got to their loved one ,who shot themselves , while they were still breathing. I am alone with my grief. It's been over a year and that image haunts me everyday.

Sherry Neal

The most helpful thing of read so far. Thank you for taking the time to right it.


I truly needed to hear this today. I have been struggling for seven months with how I missed what was going on and did I do something to cause it. Recently I felt I was slipping back to where I was the weeks and months after this happened. But I now realize that what I am feeling is normal. Thank you for sharing this.

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