On the third day after my wife died I had a vivid dream. She was lying in our bed in a white gown, I was next to her and leaned over to talk. Everything about her face and hair was perfect.
I asked if she was hurting. I don't know why I chose that to ask, but I did. She replied very clearly, "No, I'm okay Craig. I'm okay." I jolted awake. Looking at the clock radio, it showed 7:30am.
My brother and his wife had arrived Friday, the day after she died. Our son was also at home. My sister's flight was due to arrive that Sunday afternoon.
I told no one of the dream. It felt very real, at least her presence did. It was also very quick. I distinctly remember her skin tone and her hair, it was like when a color TV has the color saturation turned just a click or two past normal.
Her burial was Tuesday and my brother and his wife departed that afternoon to head home, they live about three hours drive north. My sister stayed with us and would later fly home about 10 days later. On Wednesday, the day following her burial I was talking with my brother's wife on the phone. Towards the end of the conversation she pauses and says she needs to tell me something. She tells me it's something that happened while they were there but she didn't want to tell me that day because she felt I was dealing with enough already. She went on to say:
"Sunday morning I had come downstairs into the kitchen and was going to make coffee. I was at the sink filling the carafe for the coffee maker and noticed some sort of movement in my upper peripheral vision. When I looked up from the faucet I saw a sort of swirling misty cloud or something outside your bedroom door, it struck me immediately as an apparition but it had no detail to the form just sort of an oblong cloudy thing and it just evaporated away after I was looking at it for maybe a second or two."
She went on to say she felt it was a genuine apparition. I sat in silence a moment. "Do you remember what time it was?", I asked. "Yes, 7:30. I remember from the little clock on the coffee maker."
To this day I believe this was either my wife or it was an angel giving me the dream, that she saw. There is no heating/air vent near where she saw it, nothing to naturally explain a misty cloud as she called it, hovering there. My sister in law is a no-nonsense, very matter-of-fact person. She was (now retired) a career RN nurse in a hospital in a large Midwestern city. I have no reason to doubt her or think she might have made something up to comfort me. I had not told her or anyone about the dream.
This post first appeared on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum. Reprinted with the permission of the author. Visit our moderated community of support to those who have experienced the tragic loss of a loved one to suicide.