by Olivia's mom
Olivia left this earth three months ago. I have had to return to work and to try to get on with the daily necessities of living. Everywhere I go, I still am in a state of fragility, my emotions always ready to spill over. Everything and anything still reminds me of her.
I realized that as I encounter others in my daily comings and goings, virtually no one knows that my life has been turned upside down, that there is a 20 lb. block of cement encasing my heart. They do not know that if they look at me the "wrong ' way or if they cut me off as I walk or even if they speak to me in a particular tone of voice, that I may break down and weep for Olivia.
Along with this awareness, I know that I have probably come across others who may have lost loved ones in the same way and that they are treading the same difficult path I am on, it is just not visible. No one can see a broken heart.
In honoring my daughter, I have been trying to stay mindful and treat all I meet with kindness, to acknowledge their presence, to show a respect to another human being, to treat others the way we would like to be treated, it helps in my healing. When someone has gone out of their way to show gentleness and concern to me, however "small" the act, this too helps in my healing.
This post first appeared on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum. Reprinted with the permission of the author. Visit our moderated community of support to those who have experienced the tragic loss of a loved one to suicide.