I tend to be a worrier and sometimes things get to be overwhelming for me. I want to share a story.
Before I lost my son to suicide, my company was going through a rough time because a leader was handing down edicts that ended up getting people fired. She sent one edict down that indicated we could all be losing our jobs if we didn't straighten up. She did this because she did not quite understand the true nature of our division and felt leadership by fear was the only way to get results. Well, she got results all right-- from me it was migraines, nausea, anxiety attacks-- all from fearing I could lose my job.
After my son died, the fear of losing my job was gone. Did the pressure and leading by fear change? It is still as bad as ever and some say worse. No, it was me. My biggest fear had come true, losing one of my children. They could do nothing more fearful to me. Fire me I say, I can always move on to another job - nothing more, nothing less.
I tell you this to ask the question - just how scary are these "difficult but necessary things we all have to do in our adult life to make sure we are productive, good citizens?" Is any of it any scarier than the loss we've already suffered?
No longer am I allowing anxiety and loss to dictate whether or not I do something. The biggest loss has happened and surely nothing less can stop me now. I think we all need to be reminded just how brave and strong we really are. If we can do this grief, we can do any of the other difficult things in life.
This post first appeared on the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors forum. Reprinted with the permission of the author. Visit our moderated community of support to those who have experienced the tragic loss of a loved one to suicide.