by Rob's mom,
This morning started out like any other Sunday. I got up and began to get ready to go to church. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when I heard my phone announce that I had received a text message. A friend of mine out on the east coast sent me two photos of my son Rob that were pretty recent. I was happy to get these photos but they hit me like a brick wall had fallen on me. I began to cry uncontrollably and the sadness - the brokenness - just flooded over me. I allowed myself to cry until my heart felt emptied of this wave of pain. I blew my nose and continued with what I was doing.
I go to Bible study before church service every week, and over the last 5 weeks we've been studying about "Vanishing Grace" in a world where turmoil and violence seem to dominate the news. This was the last session and as I watched the video and listened to a couple from Winnipeg,Canada talk about the disappearance of their high school aged daughter, and subsequently finding her body 7 days later in a shack not far from where they lived, something started to stir in me. They talked about how they had to accept what had happened and how they decided to "forgive" the man who murdered their precious child.
The mother of the girl made a statement that shook me to the depths of my soul. I began writing down what she was saying, but where she said the word "murder," I found myself substituting the word "suicide." I say "found myself" because I just started writing - like I wasn't in control of my own hand. The words resonated with me and I found myself looking at this terrible picture of my son's suicide through a new frame - one that was grounded and seemed to finally make some kind of sense. Here is the statement that changed my heart this morning: "Suicide took your son (daughter, husband, wife, brother, sister, parent or friend). Don't let the aftermath of suicide take you."